Come-Ons and Pressure Lines
Believe it or not some of the most popular come-ons have been around since your parents were teenagers. They are lines that people of all ages typically use to pressure or try to convince others to have sex.
By knowing what some of these pressure lines are, you can develop and practice your responses before you actually encounter them. This allows you to more confidently and firmly say "No" if you find yourself in a similar scenario.
Take a look at some of the lines teenagers just like you have encountered...
Everybody's doing it.
Show me you love me.
But, I LOVE you!
Please let me share this with you.
I'll stop whenever you say.
If you loved me, you'd prove it by doing it with me.
I'll break up with you if you don't have sex with me.
Nothing will happen. I promise.
Sex isn't a big deal.
It's OK, I've got a condom.
What are you waiting for?
You mean you're still a virgin? No one stays a virgin anymore.
I'll love you forever.
It will strengthen our relationship.
No one will find out about this.
But I've done it with everyone I've ever been in a relationship with.
If you don't have sex with me, I'll find someone who will.
I've been tested and I'm clean.
C'mon don't you find me attractive?
It's Your Choice
The choices you make today can affect your future. No one can predict if or when you'll have to confront the issue of sexual pressure. Learning how to refuse even the most common come-ons is important. There is no right or wrong way of saying "No" to sex. As long as you make it clear that you're "not ready". Be assertive. Everyone will react to particular situations differently. Knowing what come-backs work will help you stand up for yourself and your choices. Remember, it's your choice.
Tips That Work
Be confident in your response and follow though by repeating until he or she gets the point.
Knowing the common pressure lines and practicing what you say before the situation arises will eliminate some of that on-the-spot pressure.
If a situation feels uncomfortable or "funny" to you simply walk away and stay away.
Your body language can sometimes send mix signals. Use body language that will get your point across clearly. Stand tall, speak clearly and be assertive. Eye contact is important when delivering your message that you are not ready.
Sex can be a beautiful experience. It can also be a very emotional experience. That’s why it’s best to avoid sex, or wait until you’re in a committed, adult relationship – like marriage.
Sexual risk avoidance does not mean never having sex. It just means waiting until the right time. Sex is a very intimate act and it can complicate a relationship. It can lead to hurt feelings. If you have sex with someone when you are not ready, or because you are pressured into it, you may feel bad. You may also begin to wonder if your partner really cares about you. While sex is one way to show love, there are lots of other ways too, like volunteering together, or having a themed cook-out or trying a sport or outdoor exercise activity together.
Friendship and romance cannot work without respect, honesty, trust and caring. The best relationships start with each of these as a solid foundation -- not sex.
Sexual Risk Avoidance is a choice – it is your choice. If you have decided to abstain from sex and someone is pressuring you to have sex with them, explain that you have decided to wait for reasons that are important to YOU. If they continue to pressure you then they are disrespecting you and your choice.
There is a difference between love and sex and it is not necessary to have sex with someone to show them that you love or care about them. It is not right for someone to make you feel bad or say that you do not love them because you do not want to have sex with them. If someone truly respects you and your choice they will never make you feel bad or guilty for choosing not to have sex.
Even if it's a boyfriend, a girlfriend, or a friend, sex of any kind without YOUR consent, is RAPE.
How Sexual Risk Avoidance Can Make Dating Better
Sexual Risk Avoidance can make dating better! If you abstain from sex with someone you are dating there is no need to worry about contracting an STD or getting pregnant. Not having to worry about these issues can take a lot of stress off of a relationship.
Having sex will undoubtedly change your relationship. It is important to consider the emotional consequences of sex. Abstaining from sex can also help avoid the emotional complications of a sexual relationship.
Choosing to not have sex while dating allows you to know that the person you are dating is with you for YOU. They are not just interested in having sex with you. They respect you and your choices. You will never feel used or exploited for choosing not to have sex.
How to Turn Off the Pressure
It is important to communicate to your boyfriend or girlfriend how you feel about sex from the start. Be completely honest and establish limits for the both of you. Talking about sex openly and honestly is the sign of a mature relationship. It is not necessary to give in to the pressure to please someone else.
Remember, if your girlfriend or boyfriend does not respect your decision to abstain then they are disrespecting you, so why would you want to be with someone that does not respect you?
Many teenagers feel pressured to do more than they are ready to…stand up for yourself and do not let the pressure make you do something you do not want to do.
How to Say "No"
One of the most difficult parts of sexual risk avoidance is learning how to deal with situations where sex is all your friends and peers are talking about. Educating yourself on effective ways to let someone know "you're just not ready" is the best way to keep your future bright.
The Facts About Sexually Transmitted Infections (STIs)
Marriage Has Benefits
Marriage is a mutually committed relationship with many benefits. A marriage allows for emotional stability, companionship, love and trust. A faithful marriage, wherein both partners are monogamous, alleviates the worry of sexually transmitted diseases and promotes a healthy sexual relationship. Studies show that married people live longer lives, are physically healthier and are wealthier. (1)
(1) Source: "Why Marriage Matters: 21 Conclusions from the Social Services", Institute for American Values, 2002.
“I because I want to be a positve role model.”